dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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