We're like a lot better than the average bears
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
