Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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