Just fell off a train. Bad.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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