i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Drunk walkin through police station. America
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
