You can't special order awesome
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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