saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
