That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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