Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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