Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
