I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
