that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
