I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
