can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
