Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
