i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
