So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
