Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
