My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
My bed is full of blood and feathers
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
