He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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