proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
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