May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
