Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
