is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
