I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
