Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
