Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
