Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
