meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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