Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
