Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
