I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
worst night to have a conscience
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
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