Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I faked an abortion last night.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
