i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
