Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
