where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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