So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
