Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
My ATM looks so different sober.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
