remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Hippo gnu deer
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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