We're facebook friends in real life
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
