what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
