I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
