Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
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