I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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