dude i'm inner monologue high
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Oh god it's open bar.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
