Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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