if only i could text you this smell
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
