So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
