That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
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