i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize