We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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