Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
