She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
