I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
We had to coat check the pizza.
We left an ass print on the piano.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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