I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
