the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
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