Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
