New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
